When people complain about work/life balance, their major gripe is that they work too many hours and have too little free time. In other words, they almost always see it as a quantity issue.  But is it really?

Like most working professionals, I’ve spent a good part of my life thinking about how to best achieve a healthy work/life balance. Clearly, there is enough research to convince us all that doing so will certainly lead to a happier, healthier life.

Over the years, though, what I have noticed is that this elusive “balance” actually has very little to do with quantity. Instead, it has more to do with quality, with how your time is spent when you are either working or playing.

In my mind, balance is determined by how energized and engaged we are, regardless of whether we’re at our desks or in our dens. There is no hard-and-fast formula for how much time you should spend at work and at home to be happy.

Think about it: if you’re on a roll and accomplishing a lot, a 60 or even 70-hour workweek can be exhilarating. On the other hand, if you’re bored, apathetic, or discouraged, a 40-hour workweek can drag on…and on…and on as you become progressively more exhausted.

For most high achievers, I think the real reason why we feel a lack of balance isn’t that we don’t have enough free time; it’s that we spend the free time we do have feeling frustrated and angry. And when our “life” time is stressful and draining, we bring that misery with us to the office, which decreases professional satisfaction…and creates a vicious cycle.

So, what’s to be done? Here are some ideas to incorporate into your personal time that might help you find some of that elusive balance you’ve been chasing for years:

Stop treating your loved ones like employees… If you’re an ambitious high achiever at work, you have a certain personality type. Plus, you’re used to everyone on your team pulling their weight, acting with initiative, meeting deadlines, etc. So you carry these “professional” expectations home with you. You expect your spouse and your kids to be high performers too. And when they aren’t, you spend all your time explaining, convincing and nagging—in essence, giving them bad performance reviews. Not only does this hurt your relationships and create a tense environment at home; it also means that in some ways, you’re never off the clock.

…and adjust your expectations of others. Accept the fact that in your personal life, you can’t force your friends, neighbors, spouse, and even kids to have the priorities you think they should. You can’t force them to complete tasks in the way you would complete them. You can’t even ensure that others will fulfill (what you see as) their full potentials. I’m not saying that you should accept failure or condone mediocrity, but do realize that it’s not your “job” to micromanage how others live their lives. You might be surprised by how much weight this mental shift lifts from your shoulders!

Instead, focus on preserving and nurturing relationships. The next time you find yourself focusing on getting things done at home or fixating on how they’re getting done, ask yourself: Is what I’m doing right now helping or hurting my relationships? Is it pushing me closer or farther away from my loved ones? Is it energizing or draining me? If the answer isn’t positive, follow up with: How important is this task or action, really? Is it more or less important than my relationship?

Keep your family in the loop. When you’re busy or stressed at work, the tension tends to mount at home, too. And if it feels like your family is uncaring or oblivious, you’ll be that much more frustrated. Help your family help you by putting them on notice whenever possible. If you know the Friday before vacation will be stressful and you’ll probably have to work late, make sure they know they shouldn’t expect you to do all of the packing. If you’re on deadline for a big project and you’ll have to do some work at home, explain that it’s important for you to have peace and quiet. Often what goes “wrong” (and disrupts your balancing act) is that your loved ones get a surprise and aren’t prepared to help you guard your sanity.

Unplug as much as possible when you’re at home. Yes, you’ve heard this one before, but be honest: are you really unplugging? Thanks to laptops and smartphones, most of us are only a scroll, click, or swipe away from the office. Even if you “only” check your email after the kids are in bed or send “just a few” texts to a colleague, for instance, you’re still bringing work home. Instead of focusing on all of the activities you want to accomplish in your free time, you’re forcing your brain to think on two different tracks at once, which depletes your mental, emotional, and even physical bandwidth. Of course you’re stressed and irritated! Use this rule of thumb: if it can wait until the next workday, let it.

Don’t forget to nurture yourself. Think back over the last few weeks or months. Is there a recurring thought of, I didn’t get to do this enough? (I’m not talking about chores; but about activities you enjoy.) Whether it’s journaling, reading for pleasure, playing with your kids, or indulging in a hobby, it really is important to do things that make you happy on a regular basis. For me, that activity is working out. I need to be active to feel healthy and balanced. Don’t buy into the notion that your needs and wants can wait. If you want a healthy work-life balance, they really can’t!

Develop a spiritual awareness. I’m not talking about religion, per se, but about doing something for your soul. Serve others, attend church services, meditate, take a solitary walk in nature—whatever is most meaningful to you. In a world that’s full of noise, distractions, and responsibilities that are constantly competing for our attention, it is so easy to be sucked dry. (And often, you don’t even notice that it’s happening until you’re completely burned out.)

Staying connected to yourself, to other people, to your values, and (if you so choose) a Higher Power will help you to live with more balance.

One more thing: don’t forget that your balanced life won’t look like mine or anyone else’s, because the root of balance is centered in what fuels, energizes, and revitalizes you.

If you’re not sure exactly what that is, well, you’ve just hit upon one of the biggest benefits of embarking on the journey to work/life balance.  You get to learn something new about yourself. If you’ve been too you’re busy trying to control and shape everyone around you, you’ve probably been too busy to discover what brings you joy. It’s time to change that. Enjoy the ride!

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Thomas Edison said “I have not failed.
I have just found 10,000 things that do not work.”

It is no secret that throughout our lives we will encounter a mired of problems. The difference that makes us losers or winners is how we deal with our problems. Problem solving is an experimental art. Sometimes the solution is not clear and we must try several things before we find the answer.

The solution to a problem may not be easy to discover. However, a winner will relentlessly pursue new avenues and consistently experiment until it is solved.

It would be wonderful to have the ability to solve all problems efficiently and in a timely fashion without difficulty, unfortunately there is no one way in which all problems can be solved. This why we MUST be persistent and continue to experiment until we can solve our problems. It is crucial that we develop our problem solving skills if we wish to be successful.

Once we learn how to solve our problems, we can then discover how to learn from our problems and the process it took to solve them. Like Thomas Edison, you may find 10,000 things that don’t work, but rest assured the one thing that does is out there.

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It is very important that you realize that you do not achieve your goals alone.

I talk a great deal about empowerment and ambition, but I also know that I cannot do anything by myself.  In my book The Ambitious Woman, I remind my readers that when you realize that you cannot do it alone and that your success was really the efforts of others as well, you are humbled.   It pays to remind ourselves of how others contribute to our success as we form our goals and pursue them.

An ambitious woman is one who does not flaunt her success but instead gives credit where credit is due.  She understands exactly what others have contributed to her life and their contributions inspire an attitude of gratefulness in her.  In fact, an unknown person said, “Greatness is humility that doesn’t need to be noticed.”  I love that quote because to me it embodies the truly grateful spirit that accompanies real success.

In my life, I have had reason to be grateful to many people.  First and foremost are my husband and children.  They have supported me through every phase of my life and they are the real reason I have worked so hard to achieve what I have.  If you have a family who loves and supports you, you are already the richest person on earth, no matter what your bank account says!  Remember that when times are hard or the going gets rough.  Remember that your loving and caring family is often the springboard for your greatest achievements.

Living a humble life is not only about recognizing others’ contributions, however.  It is also about acknowledging our own limitations.  The flipside of ambition is overconfidence.  If we succeed too much, there is a danger in us saying, “This is because I am great.”  That is rarely the case.  You are great, make no mistake, but rarely is that the only reason for success!  Keeping a humble attitude allows you to be respectful and grateful for all the things people have done for you as well as keep your own attitude in line with reality!

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This is something I learned early on in my business career that changed the way I approach my business. I still remind myself of this whenever I feel like not doing something:

Successful people do what unsuccessful people will not do.

You don’t want to call your friends and family and share the Ambit opportunity.

It can be tough and unnatural at first, that’s why these are the best people to start with! Talking to friends and family gives you lots of practice and it also gets lots of rejection out of the way. To be successful you have to do things you don’t want to do because…

Successful people do what unsuccessful people will not do.

You don’t feel like going to a business presentation tonight.

We all feel like that at times, even me.  Recently, I calculated that in the past 6½ years I have heard the Ambit presentation 10,200 times. Plus, this past week in California, I did the presentation 14 times in 6 days so now I am at 10,214 times. But for someone else, this will be the first time they hear the presentation. And it will change their life.

Successful people do what unsuccessful people will not do.

You don’t have time to make those follow up calls, you’ll do it another time.

To have a successful business, time management is an absolute necessity. If you carve out specific time each day to make new calls or follow up calls, you will do it. If you don’t set the time aside, it will never happen. I understand it’s not easy. But…

Successful people do what unsuccessful people will not do.

You don’t feel like mentioning Ambit to a co-worker or neighbor because you don’t want to be pushy.

Here’s the thing – if you believe in Ambit and the incredible opportunity it provides, that is an honest conversation, not a sale. So, share with everyone! And, if they say no, remember they are not saying no to YOU. They are saying no to what you are offering them. Don’t take it personally.  Just move on. They just might see the potential and say yes!

Successful people do what unsuccessful people will not do.

A successful practice that many unsuccessful people ignore is setting goals. Make your list, set your goals, and review daily.  Yes, it takes time. There are lots of other things to do. Sometimes you may not even know what your goal is. However, this is a way to measure you’re growth and see what you can work towards, a motivator of sorts. Remember…

Do you want to be successful?   Do the things you don’t want to do!

“Your Time Is Limited, So Don’t Waste It
Living Someone Else’s Life.” -Steve Jobs

Many of us have “someday dreams.” You know what these are: they are the dreams we always believe will be fulfilled sometime in the future but never today. However, “someday dreams” can become today’s reality if you are willing to do what it takes to make your dreams come true.
You can do anything if you choose to do it. While some people dream, some people make dreams happen. The difference between the two groups is that while most of us have secret dreams, only some of us try to reach for those dreams. In some cases, these dreams seem so far away that we cannot imagine how they could possibly come true. We may even avoid talking about our dreams because we are afraid of ridicule. However, we should never let fear dictate which dreams we will accomplish!
Instead, think about your wildest dream. What do you really want to do? What do you really want to be? Let your imagination run wild. Are you thinking of something that you really believe is impossible, or do you just fail to see how that dream could come true?
I am here to tell you that you can achieve your dreams, even if they seem impossible, but you have to give yourself permission to do so. In fact, I would guess that you are probably going to be surprised that if you ever actually do voice your dream to your friends, they may say something like, “I always thought you would do well in that field,” or “Why aren’t you doing that?” instead of the ridicule you expect! You see, sometimes our friends and family know us better than we know ourselves. While you are thinking about your dream, think of something else as well: has everyone been telling you that you should be doing something that you are currently not doing? Sometimes others see our dreams before we see them clearly.
Remember to dream your dreams. Do not hold yourself back. Once you have identified your dream, take steps toward it. You might be amazed at the results!

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